It's a beautiful day.

My job is going well.

Life is smoothing out.

But I'm lonely, depressed, and can't convince myself things are okay.

Every morning I wake up at 7:30am to start my day. It's been over a month now but I'm still not used to it - no matter how much or little I sleep.

Still dark outside the window
Fucking alarm clock, start the day in fear

I'm starting an experiment in highly structured living. Now that I've gotten myself a 9-5 job, I have a set schedule. I can start doing things like having "shopping day," "cleaning day," whatever.

Adjusting to all of this has taken a big toll but my new job is pretty god for keeping me focused...

...which is great because I am almost put of ( Read more... )

When I look in the mirror I see failure and sadness. I don't even know whether I have the energy to be angry anymore.

Better and better. Since Thursday night, I've gotten my boyfriend back.

He'd love to find a place, to be together. Perhaps this is a good sign...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Breathing
Breathing
Breathing

I close my eyes
Wakeful and confused
I search the shore
Of the sea of dreams

Slipping into
An ink black pool
Slipping away under
A mirrored surface

There is no way in
I search the shore of
The sea of dreams
An inky, midnight shore

It is calling
I cannot answer

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

( Read more... )